Exclusive: England Footballer In Cheating-On-Wife Shocker

So, more wholly unsurprising news that a top footballer is playing the field behind his wife’s back. Wouldn’t it now be more surprising if the tabloids wrote an expose of a player who is NOT cheating on his wife? The gripping headline ‘HE DIDN’T PAY ME FOR SEX’ could be overlaid on to a photo of the player sitting on a large white leather sofa with his wife and two kids, all beaming happily. The highlighted quotes in the article could reveal the juicy details: “he didn’t really like going out boozing”, “he made me dinner twice a week” and “we occasionally had sex – but only when the kids were fast asleep.”

I must confess, I did read the red top that ran the Rooney story on Sunday, and there were two particular aspects that struck me. The first was the quote from Rooney’s transactional filly concerning the occasion when Rooney took her hand at a player’s party and led her downstairs for a bit of how’s-yer-father. Apparently, “Michael Owen was looking at him [Rooney] in disgust”. It’s a journalist’s dream. In fact, a journalist himself couldn’t have come up with a better quote…

Anyway, as my Sunday league team and I chortled our way through the article, I remarked that I’d love to see Michael Owen looking at someone in disgust. “What would that face look like?”, I mused. At that point, one of the lads at the table turned the page and there, uncannily, was a full page British Telecom advert with Michael Owen, seemingly staring at me, in disgust. Actually, maybe he was just disgusted with himself for having to stoop to doing BT adverts rather than play football, or maybe he’d just remembered that he once left Real Madrid for Newcastle United.

The other aspect that struck me, was the lifestyle theme running through the story. Every ‘interaction’ between Rooney and his pricey sideline, seemed to involve a lot of cigarettes and an overconsumption of booze. Her story was littered with “He was hammered”, “he could barely perform”, and “he paid £200 for a pack of cigarettes”. £200!?!?! Is there a special tax on smoking footballers? Anyway, the more pertinent question, which Alex Ferguson is sure to ask, is why is one of the most talented footballers in Europe spending most of his spare time puffing expensive tabs and getting smashed?

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3 Comments on “Exclusive: England Footballer In Cheating-On-Wife Shocker

  1. Strangely you always hope upon hope that there is a shred of decency out there. If reported correctly perhaps Michael Owen is that strand of hair to hang on to. They must be out of control if Ferguson cannot nail them down on these issues. They said George Best in a different era had no one around him wise enough to guide him, times have changed you would think at least the agency doing the marketing deals would have tried to put a lid on this activity. You can understand working class boys with no education losing the plot with this money, but you would not expect the educated business people around them to stand idly by while it happens. That is the real problem with the game, which I have always loved since the days of Best, but it is getting increasingly difficult to separate the 90 mins enjoyment or defend it, with this continued low life coverage.

  2. The vast majority always have. . Rumours about the Golden Wonder of English in the 90s playing away a lot are well known in the industry as are most of today’s players.

    One of the best rumours I heard comes from an English team in Europe in the 1980’s who after a UEFA cup game passed down a charming woman from hotel room to hotel room all night. It has always been the case, but we just hear about it more now.

    Nowadays the players are so far removed from reality they think they can get away with anything. Anyone who has been on 10k a week minimum since they were 17 and have been told that they are the best thing in the world are going to be somewhat consumed by their own self belief and think they can get away with murder.

  3. RK raises an interesting point – how long before a footballer actually gets away with murder? With a six-figure weekly salary, I’m sure most of them could buy a few juries or judges. Or a homicide equivalent of that speeding ticket lawyer, Mr. Loophole.

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